By Zack Fleming – Kanata, ON


For some time, the humble and ingenious single-use plastic bag has been on the endangered species list. But in some jurisdictions it’s making a comeback.

The state of Michigan recently enacted a ban on the banning of plastic bags. It’s a breath of fresh air amidst a maelstrom of environmentalist alarmism. It’s a move that cuts through the sludge of political correctness like a hot bulldozer through a landfill. And it should embolden us Canadians to stand up to our power-mad legislators, who’ve been prosecuting a savage witch hunt on plastic bags for years.

We can only hope that, going forward, our municipal decision-makers take their cues from Toronto’s city council, which bravely reversed its 2012 decision to ban plastic bags. It’s certain that years from now those councillors will find themselves on the right side of history, along with the likes of lawmakers in Michigan and Missouri, and visionary thinkers at the Ontario Convenience Stores Association and the Canadian Plastic Bag Association.

Bans and restrictions on plastic bags represent an egregious infringement on our right to hassle-free grocery shopping. But that matter seems positively trivial when viewed in the larger context. Those same villains seek to limit our consumption of Canada’s most valuable resource:

Oil?  No. Forests?  No. Our children?  God no. Water.

For decades, perhaps even centuries, water has been our lifeblood. It’s an essential component in many of our favourite foods, like Chinese food, hamburgers, and Rice-A-Roni. Water nourishes our bodies, our minds, our souls, and most crucially, our lawns.

As the temperature rises this summer, your municipality may impose water restrictions that threaten the greenness of your lawn, and by extension, your dignity as a suburban homeowner. Alarmists, consumed by their hatred of our way of life, would have you believe that water is a finite resource. Their ideology aims to limit your rights and freedoms at every turn. Their shrill, hectoring voices ring out:

“If you must water, do it during the cooler times of the day!”

“Plant drought-tolerant species!”

“Set your thermostat above 15 degrees!”

“Don’t pour bleach on the ants on the patio!”

Resist this propaganda. Exercise your rights. Water your lawn at high noon. Keep it cut extra short. Wash your car daily. Power-wash your deck several times each week. Run the tap while you brush your teeth, and remove the aerator for good measure. Open up a fire hydrant for the neighbourhood kids to play in, like it’s 1970s Brooklyn.

Don’t fear the backlash, as public sentiment is on your side. Populist movements around the world are poised to unseat the old guard. These movements herald a new era of personal responsibility. It is your personal responsibility to use the resources that are at your disposal, and to do so without prejudice or restraint. Besides, who are we conserving all this water for? Our great-grandkids? You can bet those little assholes wouldn’t save any for us.